Hold Me
by SiddaD
Summary: Sam reminisces. WARNING: Serious angst and character death


Title: Hold Me

Author: Mysticmoon

Warning: This does deal with a character death. Please don't read if it bothers you.

Spoilers: 100 Days

Note: This is a Sam/Jack fic. 

HOLD ME

Samantha Carter was not afraid to die. 

She knew she was going to die the day the doctor broke the news to her. _"I'm sorry, Miss Carter.... cancer, from an old injury.... good chance of survival."_ Bullshit. Sam smiled as she maneuvered herself towards the couch, her muscles yelling in protest at the movement. Somehow, she was glad she had refused the treatment. She didn't want to leave this world dependent on machines. Although, she had never expected this to be the way to go. Something more along the lines of fighting aliens while saving the world was more to her liking. A chuckle escaped her throat. The Stargate Program. It had been a good 5 years since she left it to start her life afresh and still it came back to bite her in the ass.

*~*~*~*~*~*

They had gated to a supposedly Goa'uld-free planet which ended up needing a mass-evacuation when Sokar found this race fit to be perfect slaves for him.

"How many more, Carter?"

"That should be the last of them, sir."

"Good. Daniel, Teal'c, go... Carter, you and I will do a final sweep of the place."

Jack and Sam hurried around the now empty village. "Wow, it's so large without all the villagers," Sam whispered. "Yeah, that's what cramming 4000 people into one settlement will do for ya." Sam smiled. "How much more time do we have?" "By my readings, another half an hour, sir." "Good, let's get outta here, Major."

The sound of the Stargate powering up interrupted them as they approached it. "Sir, I think they're early...." "Remind me to give Sokar a watch for Christmas."

Jack ducked behind the DHD, while Sam crouched behind a nearby shrub, waiting for the gate to power up. They both heard it at the same time. A small whimper from some nearby trees. Jack stood up slightly and walked towards the noise. He could hear rustling and saw a small piece of maroon cloth flash before his eyes. He reached for it, entangling his arms around a small child. She looked at most five, her big brown eyes, clouded with sorrow, staring at him.

"SIR!!!" 

The sound of Sam's voice right next to his ear shook him as he realized that Jaffa had just stepped through the gate. Without a thought, he grabbed the girl as they once more ducked behind the DHD. Five Jaffa appeared from the thin blue circle. 

"Great, now what?"

"Done, sir." Sam smiled.

"Care to elaborate, Major?"

"It's some new technology Lt. Simmons and I have been working on. It harnesses the energy of a gate that's already dialed out and using the energy residue particles...."

"Ah, Ah, Ah, Carter.... small words"

"I rerouted the gate so that its destination is now Earth. I've already plugged in our GDO."

"Cover me, I'm getting this little girl out of here."

"Sir...." Sam looked hesitant.

"That's an order, Major! Look at her! She's terrified...." 

Sam looked at her. Her face was smudged with dirt and dried tears, but what captivated her most was the child's eyes. Sam saw fear in them, real fear. A look of sheer horror marred her little precious face as she tried to comprehend why people hated each other enough to take the body and soul of another human being.

"I'll cover you, Sir."

*~*~*~*~*~*

Sam never really knew what had happened after that. She remembered running, but it was the sheer force of adrenaline that had sent her through that gate with five Jaffa hot on her tail. The moment the rush of saving an innocent child wore off, she could feel the repercussions of her actions. No real pain, but a burning sensation that pulsated through the nerves of her right leg. The feeling was something she had forgotten over the years. She did however, remember the days after, when she learned of how badly she had actually been hurt.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"Janet, don't let them do it."

"Sam, there's a chance the infection might spread."

"No, Janet, please, I don't want to lose my leg."

"Sam..."

"Promise me, Janet."

"Sam....."

"Please.... promise me."

*~*~*~*~*~*

Sam shifted on the couch as she took another sip of the murky, brown liquid. Yuck, the coffee was cold. She put the cup down. Maybe, it would have been better if they had cut her leg off. At least, it would have given her a reason for leaving active duty. And she wouldn't be here in this situation now. With the leg gone, the infection wouldn't have spread like it. But it did. And she did have her leg.

Sam could swear her coming back to Colorado Springs was a conspiracy involving all the people of her previous life, as she called it. That call from Mark, begging her to visit. She hadn't talked to him since the birth of her third niece two years ago. She was going to turn it down. Would have too. Then why didn't she? Was it because she wanted to see this one last time? She knew she wouldn't be able to come back once the cancer became unmanageable. Although, it was interesting how everyone seemed to "drop by in town for a visit" the same week she was here. Janet, Daniel, Teal'c, General Hammond, Lt. Simmons (now a Major, of course) her Father, even old college friends... the list went on and on. Sam sighed. The one person she wanted to see hadn't come. Why would he? They hadn't spoken since he left.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm officially re-retiring."

"Sir..."

"Sam, drop the sir. I handed in my resignation this morning. Now, I'm just Jack."

"Why?"

"There's nothing here for me anymore, Sam. Going on missions, saving the world, I'm getting too old for this routine. It's not even fun anymore now that there's only half of Sg-1. Teal'c's back with his family, you're on desk duty. What's the point."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to stay with Laira. She needs me."

"What about us? We need you."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, _I _do."

Jack leaned over and gently brushed his lips against hers.

"Do you want me to stay, Sam?"

*~*~*~*~*~*

She always wondered whether she should have answered his question instead of walking away. That had been the straw that broke the camel's back. When she joined Sg-1, it was because of all the places and people she would get to see. Now, it was because of Jack she had stayed, even on desk-duty which she hated. Science always has an undercurrent of history, meaning behind every invention, every idea, every thought. There was no passion for it if the history was lost.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"Your resignation, Major?"

"Yes, General."

"Why, Sam?"

"I no longer feel I can work to the best of my capabilities and this facility only deserves the best scientists in the world."

"You are one of the best scientists in the world, whether you believe it or not, Major."

"Not anymore, I'm not, Sir."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I have agreed to take a diplomatic/scientific position at the Pentagon."

"If you ever want to come back, I can always rip this up."

"Thank you, General Hammond."

*~*~*~*~*~*

And that was it. She was gone. Sam looked at the clock and realized almost an hour had passed. Time seems to fly when you are reminiscing over your countless mistakes. A knock on the door prevented her from further thought. She would have thought it was Mark, except she was sure he had a key, as did Susan. Her knees and ankle bones crackled as she got up. She just wasn't as strong as she was before. Thank god, the living room was as close to the front door as it was. She reached for the knob.

And there he stood, in all his fine glory. Save for a little more salt in his salt and pepper hair and a few more lines, he looked exactly the same. Boy, could he still send a pang through her heart, even after all these years.

"Jack."

"Sam."

Jack immediately entered the house and enfolded her into his arms. He pulled back a little when he felt how frail and thin she really was under those bulky clothes. She felt him stiffen slightly. "It's the cancer, Jack," she murmured quietly. He looked at her again.

"What are you doing here? Why are you here? Shouldn't you..."

He placed a hand over her lips, effectively stopping her tirade. "Shhhh...." he whispered quietly. "I'll explain it all. I was planning on coming earlier but Laira....." he stopped when he saw the haunted look pass through her eyes.

"We're not together, Sam. At least, not anymore. We broke up years ago. I stayed because I had built ties in the community. There were people I cared about there."

"Oh, and I guess the people who care about you on earth don't mean anything? We can just fade away, huh Jack? Yeah, well, damn you, Jack, damn you." She raised her hand, and slapped him with every ounce of strength she had. It surprised her when her hand met his cheek with a resounding slap and a red mark started to form. Jack looked shocked.

"I came to say I'm sorry, Sam. I'm sorry for leaving, when all I wanted to do was to take you into my arms. I'm sorry for all the times I thought we could have had something together."

She looked at him, stunned.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Do you know why it took me so long to come here? I was itching to come back years ago and see you again. But you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with any of your Stargate buddies."

"And now that I'm dying, you want to come back and make amends while you still can?" 

"No. I came back because I finally had the guts to tell you I love you. I made a mistake and I want to rectify it. God damn it, Sam, I love you. But apparently, you don't give a damn. If that's the way you want it, fine, I'm leaving." He turned towards the door.

"Jack, don't....."

He turned around. 

"Do you want me to stay?"

And this time, she didn't run away from her fears. Major Doctor Samantha Carter took the plunge and decided to build her wings on the way down.

"Just hold me, Jack."

The heated words of moments before seemed to drain the energy right out of both of them. Sam slumped against the wall as Jack looked at her. "Yes."

He picked up her fragile body and carried her towards the couch. They settled down together as he placed her vulnerable figure in his lap. This was so unlike the Samantha Carter he knew. But it was her. Those fiery moments before proved the soul of the Sam he knew still existed. He smiled and kissed her on the forehead.

"I love you, Jack." 

Sam relaxed in Jack's arms. The tension she carried in her heart for the last few years seemed to dissipate into thin air. This was where she belonged. 

It was true, you know, she wasn't afraid of dying. But she was afraid of dying alone. Alone in her heart, where she never let anyone enter. Except for her Jack. Sam nestled into his shoulder, her ear against his chest where she could hear the steady drum of his heartbeat. _dumdum dumdum dumdum dumdum dumdum. _Sam lulled off to sleep as her own heart rate slowed and eventually stilled. With a gentle sigh, Samantha Carter took her last breath and let go of the world.

THE END

@------


End file.
